Listen, we certainly love to acquire new customers. But the fact is that Bogey Bros isn’t for everyone. If you can relate to any of these, maybe Bogey Bros isn’t for you. Or maybe we’re simply master manipulators using reverse psychology to turn you into a loyal customer. Who knows?
You like to look bad
Are you some sort of loser who likes to look boring in regular golf clothes? Okay then, do your thing, but stay far away from us and our children. You may be a great person, but we’re not going to risk it. Bogey Bros is for fun people who like to look amazing, which is why we sell things like this Tequila Polo and this Casual Cucumbers Q-Zip.
You’re an amazing golfer
Come on, get out of here. Let the others buy our stuff. You think you can come in here, act like a big shot and pretend it’s all fine? You don’t belong here, you creep. Unless you know someone who embraces their mediocre golf skills and you’d like to gift them something. Maybe a headcover or a ball marker?
You have no self-love and don’t believe you deserve nice things
Do you find yourself believing you love yourself but acting contrary to that belief, constantly making decisions that prove you have no regard for your own well-being? Do you put others’ needs before your own, thinking they’re more important than you are? You should probably stop reading this and look for a shrink. It’s unfortunate, because we think you’d really love our hat + polo bundles.
You don’t love your friends enough to offer them a really cool gift
Perhaps you love yourself enough, but you don’t really love your friends? You say they’re your friends but you don’t actually want them to have nice things, because you feel the need to always be better than them? To the point that you can’t even be bothered to offer them a mere gift card?
You’re a sad little man who doesn’t like fun things
You’ve lost all sense of joy and wonder, have you? You’ve become a soulless machine, incapable of feeling even a tiny little spark of awe, forever wandering in a desolate landscape of monochrome emotions, where the vibrant colors of bliss and marvel have faded into the gray shadows of oblivion. In that case, it’s probably not worth shopping with us. But if you know anyone who does have a soul, maybe you could gift them this cool Swing Grease coolie.
You’re an anti-materialist who believes buying stuff leads to a meaningless life
Okay, thanks for being a party pooper. If you don’t believe in owning material things, you might want to avoid Bogey Bros. Consider moving to an island in Greenland instead. You’ll be missing out on this Balls Deep performance golf hat, but at least you will live life in accordance with your principles.
You’re the ghost of Mao Zedong
We’re not big fans of mass murder over here, so if you happen to be the ghost of Chinese dictator Mao Zedong who killed 40 million people, it’s safe to say you should stay away from our fun, uplifting golf brand, as our values clearly don’t align. No fun towel for you. Thank you.
We hope you now have a clearer idea of whether we’re a good match. But hey, don’t forget that people change. If you identify with any of these, remember that it’s never too late to become the sort of person the cart girls would be proud of.