PITTSFORD, NEW YORK – Extraterrestrial beings from a distant planet called Xlurbz-B6 landed on a golf course and terrified everyone when they started asking for putting lessons.
“I’ve never been so scared in my entire life”, said Jack Valley, who claims to have no patience “to teach randos how to putt” and would rather play mini-golf with his three-year-old grandson than deal with whatever this is. “At first I was like, ‘Cool, a visiting extraterrestrial species, maybe this will finally unite us all!’, but then they said they were here for putting lessons and now I kind of hope we go to war with them, no matter how good they look with their Bogey Bros Q-Zips.”
“It hasn’t even been two days and they’re getting on my nerves already. I mean, come on, they don’t even have thumbs and their gooey stuff ruined all of my Bogey Bros headcovers!”, shared an anonymous witness who says she’s “totally over my UFO obsession now.”
Sources close to the aliens claim that once they’ve mastered putting, they will be ready to move onto learning how to get out of a sand trap before finally initiating their extermination of the human race.
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