GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - During a press conference at the World Health Organization headquarters on Friday morning, WHO president Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus formally asked the citizens of the entire world to stop considering golf as a form of exercise.
“Listen, we’re happy to know that you’re moving your body and getting some fresh air, but if you think this is the same as lifting weights or going for a run, you’re fooling yourself and you should start facing reality”, said Ghebreyesus in front of a whole room of journalists before pointing at one of them and saying “I mean, man, do you even lift?”
The president of the WHO suggested people add more intense types of exercise into their weekly exercise routine and even went as far as mentioning his own personal recommendation: “I recommend Krav Maga if you like the idea of channeling your rage and using it to kick people in the balls in full force. Great work out.”
“I’m really disappointed by this because I recently started to take up a healthy lifestyle by learning how to golf and I’ve just purchased a whole bunch of things from Bogey Bros like a complete set of funny headcovers”, said Jimmy Keatings, a WHO intern who was attending the press conference. “I’m really hoping they’ll say that mini-golf still counts, or else I bought all these Bogey Bros bundles for nothing.”
Before ending his 60-minute press conference, Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus added that while golf shouldn’t be counted as real exercise, “you can definitely count bedroom sports, if you know what I mean” one second before his microphone got cut off.